You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
