We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
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I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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