Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
