ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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