I just saw a hot homeless man
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
