The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bring me that man meat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
