How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
