we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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