You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
