i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize