Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm like, not good at living.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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