i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
