I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
