did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
