and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
