i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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