sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
