just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
