yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
