after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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