i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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