i just sent this text using only my big toe
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
