So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
