I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
