I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
