I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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