My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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