It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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