I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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