I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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