I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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