yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
