the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
