Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
