Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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