Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
