i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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