someone threw a dead crab at me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
