you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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