O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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