just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if only i could text you this smell
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
