I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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