It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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