Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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