my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
