my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He shit in the fireplace
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
