My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm always down for nudity.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
