take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
