btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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