and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
