my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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