he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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