She bit a glass in half.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
