If i come over, it means nothing
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
