I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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