Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
