Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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