I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
