my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
