I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
