We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
