I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
