Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
