Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
